RANTS:
Yes, I am opinionated evil Leather fag... but at least I interspersed a few jokes along the way... heh heh.
1. BOY - BOI - SLAVE - the real definitions:
Listen up all of you circuit boys and Oh-So-Trendy leather wannabes... BOY is a male sub. BOI is a female sub. GIRL is female sub. SLAVE is male or female sub.
STOP USING 'BOI' if you are male. It is not a leather designation for a male submissive. It is NOT cute... it is NOT trendy... it is NOT an original and unique spelling... It identifies a male submissive as nothing but a circuit boy and a leather poser.
I don't care if you are the biggest bottom in the world and your nickname really is 'Captain ManPussy' or 'Miss Boy Cunt' or 'Mr. BigSnatch'... if you have a cock and can piss out of it, you are a BOY not a BOI.
More than just insulting L/leatherfolk, you insult yourselves with the ignorant admission of your own gay history. If you want a crash course on your own cultural history, go buy a book on the Stonewall Riots, then buy Harvey Milk's biography, then buy a book by Guy Baldwin entitled The Ties That Bind... And then buy SM-101. They aren't coffee table books with pretty pictures of which to jack off - They are books... read them!! It's a crash course in Gay Rights history and basic L/leather protocols!
After that, if you still want to refer to yourself as BOI, then I will get you the phone number for a doctor in Sweden who can invert that confused lil' inch of yours...
comic relief
In the local drag bar, a young svelte newcomer walked in and ordered a cocktail. As he paid for his drink, a vibrating flatulence escaped from between his shanks (read: he farted really loudly) and blushed an apology.
The old drag queen behind bar pointed at the sexy young man and shouted to the other drags in the bar,
"Jump him grrls... he's a virgin!"
2. MANSCAPING:
Massive amounts of disgust to this trend called 'manscaping'... what insecure hairless idiot fag thought that up? oh... Carson... Bad fag bad fag!
Unless you have a really bad case of crabs that an 'over-the-counter' won't kill, keep the razors and trimmers away from your body hair!
I'd rather jack off with a Brillo pad... it feels the same as rubbing up against a stubbled body - and at least I'd get clean with a Brillo pad!!
I'd rather dog-scoot my ass across sandpaper for an hour... It's the same raw rash I'd get from a 'manscaped' Top and I won't have spend all that time to wusing the shower shot!
Listen up men, body hair is there for a reason... for me to sniff and lick and rub and chew on! GRRR! Mow the grass - not your body!
comic relief
(as told to me by a Jew... so don't blame me!)
"Hilda, I just don't understand your Miami Jewish mindset! You won the lotto and what do you do? You buy a new house. You buy a new car. Then you fly to Germany and build a statue of Hitler?! Are you going senile?! Has all that Miami sunshine completely baked your brain?!" Gertrude ranted, "Why the hell would a 70 year old Jewish woman who survived the Camps build a statue to that evil evil man?"
"Gertrude, honey..." Hilda lifted her sleeve and exposed her Miami tanned and tattooed forearm, "He gave me the winning numbers!"
3. "MANPANION":
What the FUCK is that? It's not even a word, let alone an interesting (non)word! Whoever came up with this 'manpanion' moniker is probably a closet hetero or an overzealous fag-hag... It's not just gender-biased, it's just plain stupid.
And what about the lesbians? What do they call each other... Tamponions?
If you are going to call each other by such a juvenile fad of a word, at least be honest about it... Mancocks, Mancunts, or Manwhores (for those who are both, heh heh). Sounds just as stupid eh?..., But at least everyone will know what you really are.
Would you bored fags stop trying to be so fucking trendy. If you're that bored with your life, try spending your energy on Equal Rights or AIDS education, not making up vapid monikers that make the rest of us normal, self-respecting, fags look as idiotic as you....
comic relief
Speaking of lesbians... Eh.hem... Tamponions, that is...
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Ever try to pull apart a cold grilled-cheese sandwich...
4. PERSONAL BLOGS:
Wanna post your personal diary online? Hey me too!! Gosh, this is SO exciting!
EVERYONE on the planet can read how droll and average and dull I really am!
Okay, here goes... I went to the grocery... I went to work... I went to a movie... I bought a CD... I licked this hot bearman's cock in the...
Oh, wait... should I really tell all of my deepest desires and secrets to strangers?
Oh... what the heck, Huckleberry Hound... go for it!
Okay... I'll do it.
Well... here's the latest entry from MY personal 'blog';
"Hey Blogger... You aren't THAT interesting unless you can ride my fist while hold a pizza in one hand and a beer in the other. So, shut the fuck up with the friggin' blogs! I don't need to know about your every flatulence, or how toasted you got at the bar last Saturday, or your thoughts on soft tacos versus crispy tacos..." So... shut the Blog up!
comic relief
What do Michael Jackson and Caviar have in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
5. STRAIGHT ACTING:
I still seeing personal ads and hear gay men in bars state that they are 'straight acting'... What the hell is that? Straight Acting... ?!@?!
When I see a straight man with; a manbag, Gucci shoes, a $300 designer kilt, a $200 haircut and dye-job with hand-painted sun streaks, immaculately trimmed and sculpted facial hair, a mowed chest and shaved crotch, a bathroom filled with Clinique, a closet filled with seasonally trendy I-Male Catalogue clothing, and wears more cologne than a transy hooker trying to make rent... Exactly how straight are THEY acting? And what self respecting fag would want to emulate that? When the straights emulate gay men, how is that straight acting???
Please refer to yourself as 'masculine' - or even 'butch'... because stating that you are 'Straight Acting' is so... GGGGAAAAAYYYY!!! LOL
comic relief
Speaking of Transvestite hooker trying to make rent:
Two transy hookers are walking up the street one Saturday night. One turns to the other and complains, "Girl! There just ain't any traffic tonight. (burp) Rent is due tomorrow...(burp) and we're gonna get kicked out of our apartment unless we pick up some rich johns tonight!!"
"No shugga," her 'girlfriend states with confidence and sniffs the air, "We're gonna make plenty of money tonight!"
"What makes you think so?"
"Babydoll, cuz I smell dick in the air tonight!" she replies smugly.
Her girlfriend tucks her balls back under her miniskirt, "Dumb bitch... Of course you smell dick in the air... I just burped!"
